People in love make me want to vomit
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
