I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
