if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
