somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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