they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
