so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
