You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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