I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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