I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
