Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
