Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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