Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
