and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard we made out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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