Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
