I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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