I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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