is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
