Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
