dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize