My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize
