O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize