So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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