Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
