If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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