Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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