Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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