I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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