At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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