1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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