We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
