stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
