dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
