not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
