I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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