now i know why i became what i already was.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
foreskin is a definite game changer
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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