You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Who died my cat blue again?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
