Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
