Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
