i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
