you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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