I puked a lego.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
