About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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