whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
