woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
