I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
