Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
