I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
