i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i've created a new STD.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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