like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
