Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
