When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Text me some of your sweat
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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