My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
