soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
