is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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