I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
