Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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