my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
