Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
