need another drink. this is the easiest way
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
