the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
