i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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