Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
