I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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