im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
