we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
