Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
