how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
