i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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