Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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