Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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