your room smells of hookers.
And success
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
