apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
