but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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