dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
